The State of the Economy

As we all are fully aware, the state of the inter-galactic economy is in shambles. Many entire planets are ravaged by famine and others lack all forms of energy. Some of us, myself included have had to make sacrifices which cut into the very fabric of our existence and wellbeing. For example, I have given up my slorth oil massages. While this may seem like a small thing, I assure you it is a major deprivation on my part. Furthermore, it means that my masseuse will be out of a job as well as some poor slorth flower gatherer. I therefore have some suggestions to improve our lives and help turn the economy around as we must all do our part.

·        We should all spend more money.  We need to make sure that the masseuses and slorth  gatherers have something to do.

·        All inter-galactic governments should spend more money on projects they can’t possibly afford. Projects are fun. They take lots of planning, and even if nothing is accomplished, everyone feels like they are doing something.

·        Individuals should all save more money.  This is important, because one reason we are in this mess is because nobody bothered to sock any money away.

·        Governments need to save money and be more responsible. This means they should not spend money on things they can’t afford – except for special  projects, as mentioned above.

·        We should all make more money because then we could spend more money as well as save more money.

·        Governments need to make more money, but not by taxing people – which is very unpopular. A better solution might be traveling circuses where the crowds throw currency at the acts which please them most. Since many sentient beings are unemployed and have a lot of time on their hands, they would be thrilled to watch their favorite politician juggle over-ripe quablum fruit or balance on a high wire – especially if there was no net and there was the risk of a messy demise.

 

I hope this has answered all your questions about the state of the inter-galactic  economy.

Comments

[General Grunch – Imperial Commander of Muvin Armies]

I suggest a good inter-galactic war. Wars have a way of helping the economy. Besides, it gives people something else to worry about other than the TRAGIC deprivation of slorth massages.

[Laura Fairweather – The All Christians, All Saints, Inter-Species, Inter-Galactic Church]

No no General Grunch. Do not jest about war. War is terrible. We should all love and respect each other. Some day, even Muvin and Gorbul will join hands in celebration of this great universe.

[General Grunch – Imperial Commander of Muvin Armies]

Excuse me, but Muvins do not hold hands with Gorbuls. they will never hold hands with Gorbuls. The very thought is enough to make me vomit. Muvins do not even hold hands with other Muvins -- unless they were dragging them off the battlefield or out of the slathering jaws of a Morn Mountain lizard. Why do you missionary types always target perfectly well functioning planets and try to make us all "get along". This "getting along" thing just isn't going to happen.

[Theodore Alcott – Chief Librarian, Peabody Galactic Library]

I find Miss Fairweather's naiveté to be charming and endearing. Surely, it is her very optimism that will turn the economic tide that is so ravaging the galaxy. I have every confidence that by dint of her pure spirit, she will end the financial turmoil that has destroyed over fifty planets so far and caused wide-spread devastation of a hundred more with numbers growing every day.

And incidentally, Miss Fairweather, I am not the least bit adverse to a bit of hand holding. In fact, I find it pleasurable under most circumstances.

[Ambassador Grizzlob]

Mr. Alcott, I take umbrage with the notion that prayer and hand holding is going to be the least bit effective. If you had read my post, you would realize that my proposals are the only ones that make sense. We need to spend more money at the same time we are saving it. We need lots of special projects because projects are enjoyable and you need to set up lots of committees which makes everyone happy and feel included. Only by that kind of strategy are we going to navigate through this darkening storm.

[General Grunch – Imperial Commander of Muvin Armies]

Ambassador, you left out the best part - in fact the ONLY part of your post that I found the least bit interesting. I liked the bit about the travelling circuses where the local politicians juggle rotting quablum fruit and fall off tightropes to gruesome deaths. Now, if we could just have a bit where all self-important gorbul ambassadors are shot out of cannons into the mouths of drooling, slathering, morn mountain lizards, I think we would have the problem solved.