The Importance of Frugality in Times of Crisis

In my ambassadorial vocation, I am often consulted on areas of domestic finance as well as, of course, the inter-galactic financial devastation in which many worlds find themselves.  “Ambassador,” they ask. “How is it that with all the poverty, hunger and displacement happening around you, that you manage to keep such lovely gardens and such a magnificent house?”  Yes, I must humbly acquiesce that my gardens are indeed spectacular as is my abode.  After all, I am an ambassador, and as such have certain standards to live up to.  However, even I have resorted to frugality – some would even say austerity in these troubled times.  I am a firm believer in the sharing of knowledge when it benefits the general public. Therefore, I offer to you these tips on how to save money in the face of financial turbulence:

 

·        Grow your own mushrooms.  This can easily be done in your basement. If you don’t have a basement, a small closet will do. In about two months or so, you will have a lovely crop of mushrooms which you should eat right away so no one else steals them or asks you to share. Sharing is vastly over-rated. It just means there is less for you. I personally grow over thirty types of mushrooms in my basement. Of course I have a very large basement, so I can grow a great many mushrooms.

 

·        If you are unable to grow your own mushrooms, at least purchase them in bulk. Of course, then you must eat them very quickly before they rot.

 

 

·        Accept all dining invitations.  After all, you are doing them a favor by showing up.  Make sure to eat everything your host offers and ask for seconds – unless it is pickled mushrooms.

 

·        Avoid GIVING dining invitations. Besides, you know perfectly well that your guests are only showing up for free food.  There’s absolutely no point in sharing perfectly good mushrooms outside your immediate family. By the way, I’d be cautious with immediate family as well. They can jolly well get their own mushrooms.

 

I hope my tips have helped you face this economic crisis. By working together, I’m sure we’ll all come out just fine – although I’m not exactly sure when or how. After all, we’re all in the same life-boat, bobbing along through turbulent waters and fearing imminent capsize. However, we must be brave! We must be frugal!

Comments

[Theodore Alcott – Chief Librarian, Peabody Galactic Library]

My dear Ambassador,
While I certainly appreciate your sentiment of frugality, I must say it doesn't particularly pertain to me as I am fungi-intolerant. I suffer extreme intestinal distress even just thinking about mushrooms. The idea of an entire basement of them makes me rush to the nearest restroom.

[General Grunch – Imperial Commander of Muvin Armies]

As usual, Grizzlob, you manage to miss the point entirely. In your latest blog entry, you imply that hording food - specifically mushrooms - is somehow connected to bravery.

Bravery has to do with battles and slaughtering those who would steal your mushrooms - not accepting dinner invitations in the hope of free food.

[Laura Fairweather – The All Christians, All Saints, Inter-Species, Inter-Galactic Church]

I think that being frugal is always a good idea. However, I feel I must add two important points to this discussion:

we must always remember that food for the soul is sublime nourishment and that without it we will perish and wander about eternity in a perpetual state of starvation which is surely worse than any physical hunger we may endure in this brief and fleeting existence.

Also, if everyone brought food to the inter-galactic soup pot, surely we could feed the universe, one soup bowl at a time. In this spirit of sharing,on Tuesdsay next, I am hosting a pot luck supper at ACASISIG (the easy to remember acronym for the All Christians, All Saints, Inter-Species, Inter-Galactic Church) Of course, all species are welcome to join in this joyous celebration of diversity.

However, Ambassador, your focus on frugality is not without merit. For example, I choose to walk, rather than take public transportation.

[General Grunch – Imperial Commander of Muvin Armies]

Ms. Fairweather,
No doubt you mean well. However, I think you may quite well be clinically simple-minded. If people don't have enough to eat, their existence on this plane will be even shorter and more fleeting than you suggest in your first point.
Your idea of some sort of inter-galactac crock pot soup is equally naive. If all species brought what they eat to the table, everyone would end up with severe food poisoning. Many sentient species dine on other sentient species. While personally, I have no problem with throwing a few Gorbuls into the stew (one in particular), I can't say I would feel entirely comfortable sipping broth that was made from Muvins. I've heard humans are quite tasty - in a gamey sort of way.

In terms of walking. That's all well and good. We should all exercise more. However, walking is not going to take you from one world to another. The real expense for us all is the horrendously high cost of inter-stellar travel. Frankly, we have only deregulation to blaim for that one.

[Theodore Alcott – Chief Librarian, Peabody Galactic Library]

Come come General Grunch, surely you are being overly harsh with the lovely Ms. Fairweather. Her heart is in the right place. Feeding all species all the time just happens to entail everybody eating everybody else - as we are all part of the inter-galactic food chain in some form or other. The only thing I truly can't eat is mushrooms as I am fungi-intolerant. I'm also not terribly good at praying as I am an atheist. However, I'm sure on the latter, if Ms. Fairweather were to agree to coach me privately... I might indeed become a convert.

[Dr. ILoveBudgies]

My Dear Theodore,
I know we've been friends for over four hundred years. But, I think you're being a bit "pushy" with Ms. Fairweather. I doubt that she is romantically interested in you as you are far too old for her.
Yours truly,
Jasper ILoveBudgies