Madoff's Missing Treasure

Despite many unfounded rumors, it is highly unlikely that Bernie Madoff hid his ill-gotten fortune on Morn.  I’m fairly sure the infamous Earth scoundrel concealed his loot closer to home. After all, at his age, the man is hardly likely to hop an intergalactic freighter just to retrieve a few galactic credits.  It is rather too bad that this reprehensible Earthling isn’t a more dashing sort. It’s difficult to compose rowdy bandit ballads when the subject is not only quite elderly, but also quite grouchy.

 

I bring up Mr. Madoff’s lost treasure, because I’m getting a wee bit tired of running off Muvins who keep digging up MY flower beds as they search for buried treasure. I am considering setting traps. Of course, then I will have to post warning signs to advise trespassers that I have set traps to catch them, which rather negates the surprise of being trapped. On the other hand, we all know that since most Muvins can’t read, they will become highly agitated when unexpectedly confined to large nets and will probably lop each other’s heads off

 

However, I too, sometimes daydream about  this lost treasure and what I would do if I found it.  I like to think I would help my planet by beautifying my home and gardens – which of course, beautifies Morn.   I would also like to add to my exotic mushroom collection – which again helps the world, because we’re talking about mushrooms.  I have given the matter much reflection, and I have concluded that it would simply not be kind to return the treasure to those from whom Mr. Madoff stole.  After all, they’ve been through such a shock, that it might be quite unhealthy to shock them again.

 

After much research, I have decided that Mr. Madoff is actually a Muvin who is masquerading as a human. That is the only thing that can explain his greedy behavior and obvious lack of repentance.

 

Comments

[General Grunch – Imperial Commander of Muvin Armies]

Ambassador, you never cease to astound me with your flagrant displays of utter stupidity. It is simply not possible for Bernie Madoff to be either Muvin or Gorbul. He does not have four feet. He lacks a tail. He is considerably above four feet in height.

However, I'm sure he's a pal of yours and you probably are hiding vast treasures somewhere on your property which rightfully belong to the Muvins who were misled by Mr. Madoff. After all, you're the one who goes around being all chummy with the humans.

[Laura Fairweather – The All Christians, All Saints, Inter-Species, Inter-Galactic Church]

I think we should remember that we are all one species united in love and brotherhood. As we say here at ACASISIG (the easy to remember acronym for the All Christians, All Saints, Inter-Species, Inter-Galactic Church), when we unite in prayer, all issues of scales and tails fail.

Let us forgive Mr. Madoff who strayed from the path of Goodness. Surely, his own remorse his punishment enough. Let us welcome him back to the Galactic table so that he can be nourished by the galactic stew of inter-species Love.

[General Grunch – Imperial Commander of Muvin Armies]

Oh good. Is this the stew you were babbling about in the previous blog where we get to chuck in a few Gorbuls? Why don't we just dine on Mr. Madoff? Surely, we don't have to feed him as well.