How to be a Good Listener

Gorbuls have long been considered the musicians of the universe. We are widely recognized to have the finest voices and the greatest stage presence of all singing sentient species. I mean no disrespect to those sentient species who are incapable of singing, such as Muvins who can’t even hold a tune in the shower,  or to who Slithnians who are physically  limited to hisses. However, even those who do not participate in the noble art itself, can be good listeners, as long as they are polite and don’t resort to throwing things at the performers when they become restless.  Thus, in order to educate the listening audience, I have outlined a few tips which can be universally applied to all venues from the intimacy of the drawing room to the grandiosity of the traditional galactic opera houses and anything in-between.

·        Dress appropriately. Nudity for any species is discouraged – except for religious reasons.

·        Check all weapons, especially noisy ones, at the door. Have no fear, your weapons will be returned to you after the performance as long as you do not lose your claim ticket.

·        Do not throw things at the performers – especially quablum fruit for it is very smelly.

·        DO hum along with your favorite tunes. Singing loudly is also encouraged provided you have a good voice and have been told you have a good voice by others.

·        Body movement is also encouraged. However, please refrain from standing on your chair to do so.

·        Refrain from climbing up on the stage to be part of the action, however tempting this may be.

·        Those who are fungi-intolerant, should not eat mushrooms before the performance.

 

If everyone follows these simple rules, attending even the most formal operas will be enjoyed by all. In fact, I had the good fortune, just last week to attend a lovely production of Verdi’s Rigoletto  at which the entire audience sprang to its feet to enthusiastically sing “La Donna e Mobile” .The aria was only slightly ruined when some over-excited Muvins drew out their swords and began hacking at the furniture.

 

Of course, my personal favorite remains Puccini’s “Quando me’n vo”  which never fails to wrack me with sobs as I join Saranisi Moltonini in her poignant rendering of this toe-tapping favorite.

 

In fact, there are times when the call of music is so compelling that I am sorely tempted to throw off this mantle of ambassadorship and pursue a career on the inter-galactic stage.

Comments

[General Grunch – Imperial Commander of Muvin Armies]

Ambassador Grizzlob,
What is it with you and showers? I am not going to shower with you - not now, not ever. You continually impune my race. Are you aware that my fellow Muvins were simply defending their honor when they drew their swords? Someone (they says it was a Gorbul) threw a piece of quablum fruit at Major Grubslub which hit him full in the face. Naturally, he reacted. It is regretful that much of the opera house was destroyed in the ensuing mayhem, but full reparations have been made. The Muvins are, and always have been, fervent supporters of the arts.

[Laura Fairweather – The All Christians, All Saints, Inter-Species, Inter-Galactic Church]

Isn't is wonderful how the love of music unites all species in one glorious harmony? At ACASISIG (that's the easy-to-remember acronym for the All Christians, All Saints, Inter-Species, Inter-Galactic Church) We believe that music can soothe even the most savage species till we all join voices in one heavenly amen.

[Antonio Alleguinini-VonStrgnanstenbauer – Music Aficionado & Music Critic (free-lance)]

Well... if you can hear the music above the Gorbuls singing along and the Muvins hacking at everyone and everything within their proximity. You know, it does make attending the opera quite challenging if one anticipates being decapitated by an unhappy Muvin.
And Ambassador Grizzlob, whoever informed you that had a good voice was sorely mistaken. I really would hold on to that day job if I were you.

[Ambassador Grizzlob]

My dear Mr. Alleguinini-VonStrgnanstenbauer,
I take umbrage at your comment. Yes, umbrage sir. Music aficionados from every galaxy have complimented my vocal technique and my superb counter-tenor delivery. I can also do a stunning baritone. I'll admit that bass is a bit more difficult. And Miss Fairweather, would you please refrain from proslytizing on my blog. Nobody would ever convert to a church with such an impossibly long name and, for your information, the acronym isn't all that easy, either.